Welcome to the Advance Ruleset.
If you made it this far, you are either interested, desperate, or defective. True UVers adhere to the following simple directions.
Please note that the directions are sequential for convenience purposes only. It is highly recommended that a drying out period occur between the starting point selection and the actual
vacation. This will have the affect of keeping the local law enforcement officials in a relatively calm state.
1. Select a standard watering hole to determine direction.
2. Proceed to selected watering hole
3. Select a direction. Spin one empty beer bottle. The trip direction will be the direction that the beer bottle points.
4. Select a starting point.
There are three and only three ways of determining an appropriate starting point. No more. No less. Three shall be the number of ways and the
number of ways shall be three. Four shalt there not be, nor shalt there be two, excepting that thou then arrive at three ways. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third way, be reached, then
selecteth thou thy choice of the three.
The three options are listed in order of priority. The first procedure should be followed whenever possible. The second procedure should only be used under dire
circumstances when procedure one is not feasible. Procedure three should only be utilized when procedure one and two are unfeasible, and suicide is being contemplated.
a. Procedure 1
i. Obtain a street map from a location you would like to start. Any place will do. Be creative. This could be the local town that the dive is located in, the town your
ex-significant other grew up in, or someplace thousands of miles away if you need to dump off someone who you are trying to ditch who can't take a hint.
ii. Attach map to dart board at the watering hole. If watering hole does not have a dart board, procedure 2 may need to be utilized.
iii. Each participating UV'er throws a dart at map.
iv. Assuming the darts have hit the map, the central location between all darts decides the starting point.
v. If a dart misses map, all group members take cover while shooter tries again. Add one to the calculated number of legs for each missed dart. In addition, the missing
shooter receives one punishment penalty at the first official UV stop.
b. Procedure 2
i. Obtain a local street map of the town the dive in step one is located.
ii. Lay map out on the local watering hole's billiard table. If the watering hole does not have a dart board or billiard table, serious consideration must be made as to the
selected watering hole. A rethinking of the entire trip may be needed since this would be a major sign that the participants may be too civilized (wuss) for the potential adventure an UV vacation affords.
iii. Use the official process for determining who breaks on the first game of a billiard match. Each person hits a ball toward the opposite bumper. The object is to hit the
ball so that it lands somewhere on the map. The opposite bumper must be hit by the ball.
iv. The central location between all balls hit is the starting location.
c. Procedure 3
i. Have the bartender select a starting location. Bartender can use any means of selecting the starting location. The single requirement for this procedure is that the
bartender selecting the location cannot have an understanding of the rules contained in this document. Any bar patron can be used in a pinch. Recommend utilizing a scientific approach to selecting the
individual, such as tallest, cutest, biggest breast size, etc.
5. Multiply the average number of beers consumed per person during the starting point procedure by 3.25. Round the number. If the participants are unable to figure out how to round a
number, drop any fractions or percentages. This number determines the number of legs of the journey.
6. The number of legs will be divided into four directions (ie North, South, East, and West). The breakdown will be 75% the direction selected by the empty beer bottle gods, 5%
in the opposite direction, and 20% split evenly between the remaining two.
7. Lots will be made up representing the directions determined in step 6.
8. Place lots in hat.
9. Proceed to the starting point.
10. Draw the first lot from the hat.
11. Drive to the nearest numbered road that officially travels in the direction specified on the first lot.
12. Draw the next lot
13. Proceed on the current road until you come to a road marked with the direction on the lot. Please note that To routes should not be counted. If the road you are on ends or comes
to a T intersection, you will need to determine a new route. Flipping a coin (heads for left and tails for right) will determine which direction to turn at a T intersection. For a dead end, merely turn around
and use the coin toss to select the direction of the next numbered intersection
14. Continue drawing lots and proceeding in the indicated direction until all lots have been drawn.
15. Once the last lot is drawn, the trip is beginning to impinge on happy hour, or the group has decided that the road trip should end, it is appropriate to declare a cessation in the
road trip rules to assist in locating a place to drink and rest. At this point, follow any rules you like to find an appropriate place. Following the drawn directions is now out the window. Stop at a bar, have a
drink, and ask for a recommendation. Find a likely spot advertised on a road sign. Drive around a small town until you find an out of the way bar and hotel. The appropriate way to find the place will be
determined by your own requirements.
i. If you are stopping for the night, but didn't quite find the perfect place, simply pick up the trip starting with the next direction drawn. Backtrack along the route you came
to the interim place till you see a road heading in the appropriate direction.